


Rise and Fall by HeartOfGlass

by StrengthThroughWounding



Category: AFI, AFIslash
Genre: Angst, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Slash, Unhappy Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 12:26:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: None - Warning
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3067784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrengthThroughWounding/pseuds/StrengthThroughWounding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very canon-y Javey in which return to the Phoenix stirs up old feelings. Kind of. Takes place between the releases of TOAD and STS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rise and Fall by HeartOfGlass

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a work in progress for an incredibly long amount of time (for me, at least). The first paragraphs were written when the CL songfic challenge was given, just to give you an idea (cookies to anyone who can guess which song this was very loosely based on/inspired by). Anyways, consequently I've edited it and worked on it more than I usually do- I hope this doesn't come across as a bad thing!

  
[Rise and Fall](http://afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=8872) by [HeartOfGlass](http://afislash.com/viewuser.php?uid=3162)  


  
Summary: A very canon-y Javey in which return to the Phoenix stirs up old feelings. Kind of. Takes place between the releases of TOAD and STS.  
Categories: [General AFI](http://afislash.com/browse.php?type=categories&catid=1), [Javey](http://afislash.com/browse.php?type=categories&catid=2) Characters:  None  
Genres:  Alt. Universe, Angst, Drama  
Warnings:  None  
Challenges:  
Series: None  
Chapters:  1 Completed: No  
Word count: 4327 Read: 136  
Published: 08/10/2012 Updated: 08/10/2012 

Story Notes:

This has been a work in progress for an incredibly long amount of time (for me, at least). The first paragraphs were written when the CL songfic challenge was given, just to give you an idea (cookies to anyone who can guess which song this was very loosely based on/inspired by). Anyways, consequently I've edited it and worked on it more than I usually do- I hope this doesn't come across as a bad thing!

I'm just so glad to be back! Long absences forced by mental breakdowns always really bum me out :P

Chapter 1 by HeartOfGlass

Author's Notes:

Thanks to Mandasapanda for beta-ing a large part of this a long long time ago! (8 months?!!?) There's one more part to this which I will be posting very soon!

Floorboards creaked when they walked into the theatre, a sound that was normally drowned by the din of concert goers or the impressive amps of whatever band was on stage. At five pm on a Wednesday, neither of these were present. Davey and Jade stood alone in the open room, admiring the usually hidden scuff marks and dirty shoeprints that covered the floor. The stage loomed before them, empty, looking completely foreign from their vantage. This was an angle from which they’d never viewed the Phoenix.  
“It’s just plain strange,” Davey remarked, taking a moment to look up and admire the concert hall’s high ceilings. “It looks so small with no one in it.”

Jade cracked a small smile. “Honestly, how did we ever stuff more than fifty people in here?”

Davey continued looking up, but grinned. “Maybe we didn’t. We were so full of ourselves, maybe it really was only was fifty people. Maybe fewer.”

Sunlight pouring in from the massive cathedral-esque windows illuminated dust that seemed to hang still in the air; another small detail that all but disappeared when it’s concert time, but both Davey and Jade noticed now.

“This couldn’t have been good for my throat, all this crap in the air.”

“I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think this is unique to the Phoenix. These places don’t get cleaned all that much.” Jade bit back comments about Davey being a diva, knowing he'd get an earful.

"Maybe. I don't remember seeing it anywhere else." He strategically moved away from the pillars of sunlight, erroneously thinking that this would keep him safe from the dust. It only keeps him safe from what he can see.

Jade climbed onto stage from the front, ignoring the stairs on either side. His toned arms and nimble legs made this an easy feat, bringing him up in a single swift motion. He stared down at Davey, his lone audience member.

"This was the first real stage we ever played on. Like, three fucking feet off the ground real."

Davey smirked. "I know. You loved it.”

Jade rolled his eyes, peering down at his band-mate. “I don’t think I could ever love that attention more than you.” After pacing back and forth a couple of times surveying the empty room, he sat down, legs dangling over the edge of the stage.

“I might enjoy attention when it comes to the band,” Davey began, arms akimbo as he sauntered over to where Jade was sitting, “but I think we both know who needs it most in more… _intimate_ settings.”

Jade could feel his face reddening, growing immediately uncomfortable at this remark.

“Took you that long to come up with a rebuttal?” He asked flatly, trying not to give Davey the satisfaction of the inflamed response he no doubt expected.

Quicker this time, Davey retorted “Just debating whether or not to breach such a delicate subject.” He was lying, but he knew Jade wouldn’t bother calling him out on this. He tended not to engage in disputes as readily and as passionately as the singer did.

Predictably, Jade shrugged, emanating his usual disaffection. “Breach away, man.” It was dangerous to give Davey such an invitation, but he was determined to act as though bringing up their history together didn’t faze him in the slightest. Truthfully, he’d spent years trying to understand how Davey could act like it was no big deal, while he had to work every minute to make sure things didn’t feel awkward.

“I think I’ve said enough,” Davey decided smugly, either too chicken-shit or too nice to delve deeper into the topic. Without warning, he vaulted up onto the stage and sat next to Jade so that they were touching, and rested his head on his shoulder.

In an abrupt but very typical change of affect, Davey sighed nostalgically. “I miss those days.”

Jade shifted slightly to accommodate Davey’s presence, trying not to smell his new lotion, or focus on how soft his hair felt. “You do?”

“Yes,” Davey purred, inhaling deeply against Jade’s t-shirt. He ran his fingers through the hair on the back of Jade’s head, twisting the ends as he often did. “Don’t you?”

“No, not really.”

Jade couldn’t see it, but he knew Davey was pouting in disappointment. This was not the answer he wanted. “Why not?”

“I like how things are right now, with AFI and everything. I feel like I’m in a good place.”

Davey sighed again, letting his hand fall around Jade’s waist. “I’m not talking about AFI.”

“I know.”

Davey had found the centimeter of exposed skin where Jade’s shirt failed to meet the top of his jeans and was caressing it suggestively, causing the guitarist discomfort on a number of levels. Somehow he failed to notice how rigid Jade had become, focusing solely on the goose bumps that rose wherever his fingers went.

Davey had always been a master of selective attention and Jade had learned early on that he needed to improve his own ability to be blunt. It didn’t come easy to him, but in some situations it was virtually the only way to get through to Davey. And even then, it often wasn’t enough.

“Dave, come on,” Jade mumbled somewhat unconvincingly, leaning away from his friend’s wandering touch.

In a subtle yet dramatic gesture that he knew Jade wouldn’t miss, Davey let his hand fall dejectedly to the stage. “Sorry,” he said in a soft voice, clearly toned more to elicit guilt than forgiveness.

Wincing at Davey’s utter lack of shame, Jade pushed himself off the stage and began fussing with the buttons on his coat.

After a moment of silence: “You want to go?” Davey’s voice sounded normal again, like he’d made an active decision to ignore how Jade was radiating discomfort.

“Yeah.”

“Good call, they’ll probably be setting up for a show in an hour or so anyway.” As if they were ever going to stay that long.

Davey brushed past Jade and headed straight for the door, zipping his grey polyester bomber jacket as he walked. The thin black twill of his pants left little for Jade to imagine as he watched the singer make his exit. Jade bitterly considered suggesting that Davey try his hand at theatre, because he felt the man would probably flourish.

After taking a second to calm the heat in his pants and the anger (even hotter) in chest, Jade made his way out of the concert hall. He half hoped that Davey would be gone, on his way to torturing someone else for a change, but part of him very much wanted something else.

Jade found Davey standing by the parking lot fixing his hair, looking every bit like he was trying hard to act casual. He ignored Jade in his periphery and waited until they were inches apart before he smiled and spoke.

"Where are you headed now?

"Into the studio," Jade lied. He had been planning on going back to his apartment, but he knew he needed to go somewhere where he wouldn't perseverate on the sexual tension that had been gripping him for the past twenty minutes.

"Really? We're not supposed to meet Adam and Hunter until next week."

"I... have to restring my guitar."

Davey arched his eyebrows skeptically. "Did that recently become a particularly time consuming task?"

Jade swallowed, eyes flicking from Davey to his car. He had half a mind to jump into the driver’s seat and peel off without another word; it had to be a wiser choice than sticking around and indulging Davey’s heavily loaded questions. This was not a path he should be going down and he knew it. Finding opportunity in the growing silence, Davey spoke:

“Come on, Jade.” He stepped closer to him, shamelessly placing a hand on his waist, causing Jade to visibly flinch. At this distance, Davey knew Jade could feel his exhalations and smell his lotion- cleverly, he was appealing to all his senses. “Let’s go back to your place,” he continued, “just for an hour or two.”

Jade stepped back and coughed, choking on the sudden influx of Davey that was permeating his body.

“No.” He said it firmly, vigorous shakes of his head adding emphasis.

“Jade-”

“Look, I know what you’re getting at. I know what you want, Dave, but-”

“You want it too.”

Jade ignored him. “But you can’t have it. That wasn’t healthy for either of us.” It killed him to say it, but he knew he had to cut this off fast. The longer he let Davey try and persuade him, the less he remembered the pain and the more he remembered the ecstasy of taking him. It had been so dreadfully long since he’d been physically intimate like that, with anyone.

He pushed the thoughts away, trying desperately to seal the cracks forming in his careful barrier before Davey could slip in.

“Just today, that’s all. I’m not asking for anything more than that.” Davey was unforgiving in his persistence; he always had been.

“Like hell you’re not!” It came out louder than Jade had intended, but he was angry. Angry at Davey for having the audacity to try and wear him down like this, and even angrier at himself for standing here and letting him.

“I’m not.” Davey’s voice was suddenly soft, submissive even. “But okay.” He looked terribly sad, staring mournfully at Jade as he offered his surrender.

Jade was speechless for a moment. That was it? Somehow, he’d been expecting more. Flustered, he nodded.

“Yeah, okay.” He pulled out his keys and used the remote to unlock his car, waiting for Davey to make a similar move. The other man shifted uncomfortably.

“You uh, we came here together.”

“Right,” Jade mumbled, ducking into the car to hide his embarrassment. His brain was completely out of working order. He wondered for a moment if he should even be driving.

Davey climbed in and, as always, buckled his seatbelt. “You can just drop me off at my apartment. I’ll meet you guys at the studio later.”

Jade nodded, slipping the key into the ignition and almost simultaneously putting the car in reverse. The sun was low in the sky, bathing the nearly empty parking lot in an orange glow. Jade squinted as he turned the car to face west, wishing for clouds or sunglasses. Davey, as per usual, was prepared with an oversized pair of designer shades covering half his face. Jade found himself missing what was underneath.

The ride was silent, save for the rushing of the highway under the tires. Both men stole glances at each other, trying to gauge what the other was thinking, feeling. Each of them were feeling ashamed, for different reasons, and sexually frustrated for the same. It was like being sixteen again, feeling all the wrong things and trying to read minds because no one wanted to talk.

It wasn’t until Jade passed exit 16A that Davey felt the need to speak up.

“Jade, are you paying attention?”

“Yes.”

“You missed my exit.”

“I know.”

Davey considered this for a moment, trying to decide what to make of it. Was Jade dragging him to the studio? Jade provided no explicit answers, staring straight ahead, eyes focused intently on the road. He had just made a decision, and the gravity of it was weighing heavily on him, filling him with second thoughts. He worked to keep his face still and void of fear.

Something was stopping Davey for asking where they were going: a superstitious notion that if he said anything, he’d break whatever spell Jade was under, and there would be no chance that he was heading anywhere other than Davey’s apartment.

Five minutes later, when they got off less than a mile from where Jade lived, Davey was certain for the first time that he wasn’t imagining things. Jade jerked to an abrupt stop at an all too familiar stop light, only blocks away from his flat, and Davey opened his mouth to say something.

“Don’t,” Jade snapped immediately, catching the movement out the corner of his eye. Regret was already swimming in his gut and he knew it was too late to go back without making a huge fucking mess. He didn’t need Davey’s babbling to make him further second guess himself.

Jade pulled into the lot across from his flat, quickly finding his usual spot. As soon as he got his keys out of the ignition, he nearly erupted from the car, leaving Davey dumbfounded in the passenger seat. Listening to slam of the car door cut through the relatively silent air, he was reminded of the first time he brought Davey home with him.

_Moments before they pulled into the Pugets’ driveway, Jade shut the headlights off so as not to wake his parents. He’d been in this habit for years, ever since he’d been old enough to drive himself home from shows. He exited the car quietly, leaving Davey to fumble with his seatbelt in the passenger seat._

_“We have to go in the back door,” Jade whispered once Davey was out of the car. There was no real risk of being heard, but at 2am the neighborhood was dead silent and he wanted to be safe. Davey nodded and followed Jade around the house, to a door that would let them enter through the basement._

Jade’s apartment was cold, even for the time of year, and that was exactly how he liked it. Davey shivered at the chill as he entered, instinctively hugging his arms around his chest. A ghost of Jade’s cologne lingered in the entryway: Jean Paul Gaultier’s _Le Male_. He’d spritzed himself there earlier that day, and the scent still clung to walls with impressive pungency.

Acting out of habit, Davey kicked his shoes off and placed them neatly on the mat. They weren’t dirty, and Jade’s floors were almost entirely hardwood, but the gesture was more about settling in than being polite.

Jade’s shoes were still on as he strode in, choosing to shed his jacket first; he set the peacoat folded over a kitchen chair, having never bothered to install the wall hooks his sister had given him last Christmas.

“Jade?”

Startled at the sound of Davey’s voice, Jade whipped around to see Davey sitting himself down on a chair at granite island.

“Don’t bother,” he quipped with a small sneer, making himself sick with the acid in his own voice.

“What?” Davey looked mildly surprised, the first genuine expression Jade had seen on his face all day.

“Don’t bother sitting down.”

Raising his eyebrows, Davey stood. “Fine.” He placed his hands on the back of the chair as if he needed the support, or else, the comfort of something he could actually grasp. Jade gave him a quick glare- simply unreadable- before walking out of the kitchen alcove, pulling his t-shirt off as he approached Davey.

One swift motion and his torso was bare. He tossed his shirt over the island not carelessly, but in a gesture of angst.

“What are you doing?” Davey asked, maybe because he thought it was the right thing to say.

Jade faced him, arms crossed and chin tilted up ever so slightly, daring Davey to look away.

“I’m doing what you wanted.”

_As Jade shut his bedroom door, Davey lingered feet away, looking nervous._

_“Where should I put my stuff?”_

_Jade stepped forward and closed the gap between them. “Anywhere’s fine,” he replied with a small smile, eyes wandering over his friend’s face. Davey nodded and almost immediately his bag hit the floor with a soft thud._

_Jade placed a hand on his arm, long fingers dipping just under the sleeve of his t-shirt. He brushed his thumb over the soft skin, waiting patiently for Davey’s reaction._

_“What are you doing?” His voice was barely a whisper, trembling with anticipation._

_“This.” Jade leaned forward, pressing his mouth to Davey’s with a gentleness that was just barely within his control to maintain. The smaller boy received the kiss gratefully, nearly going limp as he yielded all of himself to Jade’s lips. It was the hand firmly placed on the small of his back that kept him from falling to the floor.  
_

“Who said I wanted it like this?” Davey asked in faux apprehension, too distracted by the newly bared flesh to deliver his line with conviction. His eyes were glued to Jade’s chest, roaming over his tattoos, checking anxiously for new ones.

“I know how you want it.” He flicked his gaze in the direction of his bedroom. “If you want to pretend that’s not true, you can leave. Otherwise…” He finally kicked his shoes off, then headed towards his room, unbuttoning his jeans as he went. Davey followed close behind.

Jade’s bedroom was simple, decorated mostly in shades of blue and grey, and it hadn’t changed a bit since Davey had seen it last.

“You still have the-”

“Stop. Just stop talking.”

Jade allowed Davey to get no more than a foot or to into the room before roughly pinning him against a wall. With a satisfied grunt, Davey gave his weight to the wall, watching smug and slightly terrified as Jade yanked at his belt.

“You’d better not break that, it was one of a kind from-”

“Don’t care. And I swear to god if you talk again, you have to leave.” It was supposed to be a command, but it came out as a desperate plea; every time Davey spoke, Jade was that much closer to coming to his senses.

Davey’s jeans were off in a flash, pushed roughly to his ankles by Jade’s practiced hands. His briefs, a black and grey print, fit snugly around his hips, accenting his thighs in such a way that Jade hesitated to remove them. Davey had switched from boxers to briefs only a few months before their sexual relationship “ended.” Jade had teased him about the seemingly arbitrary decision, and pretended he didn’t think it was hot as hell.

Even through the dark fabric, Jade could see the spots of pre-cum scattered about the outlined tip of Davey’s erection. He pressed a wide palm over the bulge, considering the implications of this. Face against Davey’s cheek, he murmured

“How long have you been this hard?” His voice rang not quite with contempt, but it was nothing so innocent as pure curiosity.

Davey groaned softly, pushing his crotch against Jade’s hand without shame. “A while.”

_When Davey rolled over and brushed against Jade for the third time, there was no doubt- he was rock hard. Jade had been restraining himself all night and this was pushing him over the edge. Taking the plunge, Jade reached under the comforter, grazing his fingertips over the stiff heat in Davey’s boxers._

_Davey immediately twisted to the side, letting Jade’s hand slide over his hip._

_“Sorry,” came his soft voice, sounding painfully embarrassed._

_Jade sighed, exhaling against Davey’s neck. “It’s okay.” Giving it one last shot, he added: “I mean, it wasn’t an accident.” He could feel the younger boy’s muscles tense against him briefly._

_“It wasn’t,” Davey said, more a realization than a question as he turned over to face Jade._

_Jade reached forward again, this time landing his hand on Davey’s erection more deliberately to ensure him that there was nothing accidental about what was happening between them._

_“Can I touch you?” He needed proper permission before he went any further; he wanted to avoid inadvertently taking advantage of Davey, especially considering their age difference._

_“Definitely.”  
_

Jade nodded, tightening his grasp to massage the singer’s shaft. This time, Davey’s voice didn’t bother him so much.

“I should’ve known,” he replied, sounding mildly disappointed in himself. The truth was that he did know, he just hadn’t wanted to accept it, to embrace it the way he did now. Unlike Davey, he had a difficult time surrendering himself to his immediate needs, as his cognition and anxiety often got the way. At the moment, however, his mind seemed to be taking a brief holiday, allowing him to pull Davey’s underwear off exactly when he wanted to.

“God Jade, touch me,” Davey moaned, thrilled to have the garment removed.

Jade was already doing exactly that, hands wandering over his exposed thighs and traveling straight to his hips. Davey felt more muscular than he remembered, flesh not yielding as much to his touch as it used to. Working his way up, under his shirt, he found the inverted cross was still there, waxed out of Davey’s abdominal hair as it had been since he was 18. It was supposed to be one of Davey’s more subtle fuck-yous to religion, as it trivialized a sacred symbol. The political impact of it had always been lost on Jade, but he did think it was fucking sexy.

With that in mind, he lifted Davey’s shirt over his head to display the torso he used to drool over. The tattoos inked in his skin were as familiar to Jade as his own, reading like a map of a well-known place. He knew every single detail about each and every one of them: the where, the why, the when. Such knowledge used to thrill him, made him feel like he was closer to Davey than anyone would ever be, but thinking of it now, he felt almost nothing.

Looking at the flawless body before him, it finally started to sink in just how long it had been since Jade had seen Davey totally naked like this. Sure, he saw him with his shirt off all the time, or in other various states of undress backstage and around the studio. However, nothing compared to the sheer vulnerability and beauty portrayed in his pure nudity. The way he stood so proud, displaying himself for Jade like he’d never been more comfortable in his life, was enviable. Jade himself wasn’t nearly so confident with his body that he could just stand around without clothes on, not to mention look so self-satisfied while doing so.

“Jade?” The sound of Davey’s voice caused Jade’s eyes to flick up, finally looking him in the face, something he hadn’t even realized he’d been avoiding- until that moment.

“Not that I’m complaining, but I didn’t think you’d want to take this slow…”

“I don’t,” Jade snarled, inwardly slapping himself. It was just like him to get so transfixed with Davey’s body that he’d forget what he was doing, what this was really all about.

Or more importantly: what this wasn’t about.

“Just get on the bed,” he muttered, abruptly turning on his heel and making for his closet. There was lube in there somewhere, not that it had been used in ages. Rummaging through a box of travel-sized toiletries that he kept for tour, he saw the bottle and his stomach twisted uncomfortably. He’d bought it mere weeks before he and Davey stopped getting intimate and it was just as full now as it had been then. A personal shame crept into his stomach, and he immediately searched for a way to relieve this. Finding an empty hair gel container, he poured nearly half the lube into it. Somehow, this only made him feel worse; he knew Davey wasn’t going to notice anyway, so why was he bothering? For himself? Because that was worthless- he knew better than anyone else the truth about how lonely he’d been since he cut Davey off.

“What are you doing?” Davey called from the bed, not sounding impatient, just curious. Jade hated how he was clearly trying not to set him off by being too demanding. He was way, way too good at this.

_“Should I um… should I grab a condom?” It was Jade’s way of asking if this was what Davey wanted to do, if he was ready. He prepared himself for the worst, for Davey to feel offended or angry that he wanted to take things that far, and held his breath._

_Davey was biting his lip, looking up at Jade with oddly hopeful eyes. “I’ve never… I’m a virgin, you know. So if you don’t want to, we don’t have to…” All he wanted was to feel Jade, really feel every bit of him with no barriers between their bodies. If this was going to be his first time, he wanted it a certain way: perfect._

_Jade looked at Davey, eyebrows raised. That was certainly a surprise, but he wasn’t about to complain; he just wanted to make sure Davey knew what he was asking. “You trust me?”_

_“With my fucking life,” Davey whispered, pulling Jade in for a soft kiss._

“Counting my blessings,” Jade grumbled, too low for Davey to hear. He snatched a condom off the floor, moving his thumb over the cool foil package. To think of why this was so important now, more important than it had ever been before, made his chest ache with jealousy, and sadness for how unfamiliar the man on the bed had become. Words on the wrapper boasted that the ultra thin latex was designed for increased sensitivity, but he wasn’t sure that was such a good thing. All he really needed right now was protection.

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=8872>  



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